That Tony Shalhoub sure knows his veggies...

I don't understand. So many people claim to hate Los Angeles because the place is overrun with actors, but the first thing most visitors (including my friends and family from New York...don't front y'all) want to know when they get here is where they can go to spot celebrities. Since no one is willing to suck it up and admit that "spotting famous people" is on their itinerary when they come to this great town, I've taken the liberty of compiling a list of the top 5 places to spot celebrities in Los Angeles, as well as the key celebs I've seen personally in each place. Of course, it's a given that if you work at one of the major studios (as many Angelenos do) or are a regular at expensive restaurants such as Ivy at the Shore, you're likely to get your fill of celebs. This list is meant for visitors only. OK, it's meant for my friends, so that they stop wasting their money on things like those ridiculous tours of celebrity homes when they're in town (cough, cough, Ornette, cough). I'm sure there are other places that might be better for spotting celebs, but these are just places that I frequent where I tend to notice more than a few recognizable actors and actresses:


5) Mailboxes, etc.
Key sightings: Faye Dunaway, Jeffrey Jones
Go ahead and laugh, but celebrities have to mail their packages too. And contrary to what you might believe, most of them don't have personal assistants to do it for them. That's why this place comes in at number five. I go to Mailboxes, etc. for all of my FedEx needs, and every once in a while am surprised at the folks dueling with the tellers. I remember when Faye Dunaway was in line in front of me one day at the store in Hollywood. No idea what she was talking to the clerk about, but as she walked away, he mumbled "bitch" under his breath repeatedly. You better believe that one went into my journal.

4. Toast
Key sightings: Courtney Cox-Arquette, Common, Slim Kid Trey (from the Pharcyde)
This breakfast spot on 3rd used to be the JOINT last year, but I stopped going there months ago. The weekend crowds got to be Cheesecake Factory level ridiculous, and the quality of the food dropped tremendously. Besides, there were other breakfast diners within a mile that had both better food and a much more pleasant atmosphere (no way am I saying which ones). Still, Toast has been and still remains a hot eatery in which you'll likely sit next to local celebs. I used to see Courtney Cox there back when she was still pregnant. It was also a good place for me to conduct interviews with people who wanted to be met over lunch, since everyone knows where it is. Someone told me that Toast has been featured on the HBO show Entourage too, which is another sign that it might not maintain its status for much longer. Coincidentally, I tend to actually see Kevin Dillon dining at the Versailles Cuban Restaurant on La Cienega.

3. Larchmont Village
Key sightings: Julianne Margulies, Nia Long, Fred Williamson, Tim Meadows, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, Thomas Jane
Village Pizza on Larchmont is the best NY style pizza I've had in L.A., so you'll find me there a lot. Doesn't hurt that this quaint little walking street is only about a mile from where I live. It also happens to be about a mile (in the opposite direction) from Paramount, so the celeb masses descend here for grub all during the week. On weekends, the farmer's market also is quite a draw. Mmmmmm...Rockenwagner pretzel rolls...

2. The Grocery Store (both Ralph's and Vons)
Key sightings: Tony Shalhoub, Jasmine Guy, Bishop Don "Magic" Juan, too many commercial actors to name
Welcome to the ultimate LA reality check. I just finished writing a comedy script about a guy trying to stalk a celebrity at his local grocery store. It's such a weird script that I doubt it will ever get bought or made, but it was such a blast writing it that I'd do it again. Why? Because this is where the acting profession's proletariat masses must gather. It is also where most celebrities go to buy their food necessities (remember, the personal assistant to actor ratio has been grossly exagerrated). But when you see celebrities here, you're not seeing them as they are on television or in film. You're seeing them in their natural, almost feral state. We're talking flip-flops, shorts and no makeup. We're talking heads of completely grey hair on actors you thought were ten years younger. We're talking actresses who are almost unrecognizable due to the lack of makeup. And we're also talking more deja vu than most can tolerate, because every person you've ever seen in a Geico, Volkswagen, or McDonald's commercial seems to be prowling the aisles. If you're a parent and you want to dash your kid's dreams of becoming a movie star, take them to the grocery store the next time you're in LA. It'll sober them up faster than a pot of coffee. Oh, coffee doesn't really sober you up, does it?

And drum roll please...

1. The Grove/Farmers Market
Key sightings: Tricky, Michael Rappaport, David Spade, Tracey Morgan, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Thomas Jane, Kanye West, Michael Jai White, Fabrice from Milli Vanilli, Harold Perrineau, and many, many others
This is it kids, ground zero of LA public celeb gathering. That's 3rd and Fairfax. CBS is across the street, so the market is where everyone goes for lunch. Local celebs love the multiplex theater for movies, while visiting celebs seem to like wandering aimlessly in the Grove while chatting on their cell phones. Despite the Grove's glitzy nature, it has managed to stay largely off the radar of tourists (despite what anyone tells you, most of the crowds here are certainly locals), leaving the fanny-pack wearers in the sweltering heat of Hollywood & Highland.